Dear Hollywood: Volume 10

Dear Hollywood,

Can you please explain to me, to all of us, what sick catalyst has spurred the rise in celebrity divorces?! I mean, Blake and Miranda I was initially shocked at, but after reviewing the facts I guess it makes sense. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner- again, I was surprised but no more so than when Gwenyth Paltrow and Chris Martin split before. Then there was the final split between Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick. Granted, they were not married, but the fact that after they split there was no reconciliation as there usually has been in the past, well, that was the shocking part. Then there was Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams (le sigh). But Hollywood, I refuse…I say again, I refuse…to accept the announced divorce of Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale. No. No way, say it’s all lies!

It’s true though, isn’t it. The beloved couple we all at some point idolized, and who seemingly rose above and beyond ever media attack is calling it quits after 13 years. Who’s next?? Posh and Becks?!! Don’t you dare do it, do not you even dare!!

I hate to say that I can’t. But I cannot. Cannot deal. Well, of course I’ll go on with life, therefore I will deal, but it is quite the disappointment. I remember when Gwen joined Gavin and Bush on stage to sing Glycerine. It was priceless. Don’t let the days go by. Ugh, they’re letting them go by. I do hope they are amicable. I couldn’t stand to hear rumors of infidelity or restraining orders being hurled about. So, to offset this absolute madness, let’s touch base with these Hollywood mamas you have also dominoed in terms of having babies.

Jaime King, Haylee Duff, and Zooey Deschanel have all given birth to their respective offspring, so Congratulations! Ashlee Simpson also just gave birth to her daughter with husband, Evan Ross. The name? Jagger Snow. It’s an amazing name, just not as amazing and different as Hollywood headlines claim it to be. Jagger is an on point girls’ name, and I vouch for it as it was one of my top 2 girls names we had picked if we had a daughter. The middle name Snow (what up with the Disney middle names ASimps?? Jagger Snow…Bronx Mowgli, hmmm), is really counterpart to Nicole Ritchie’s Harlow Winter Kate. I’m just saying, it’s undoubtedly a beautiful name, no questions, but, Hollywood, lay off claiming that it straddles the rails of weird/unique. Speaking of Ashlee Simpson, side note, I’m loving the photos that have finally been rehearsed from her wedding last year…that dress is pretty much everything; such a bohemian dream.

Who else is expecting/giving birth/divorcing/marrying, I am beginning to lose track. I know Nicky Hilton just got married, Zooey Deschanel married in secret before she gave birth, and of course Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe is engaged to her hunk, Shawn Booth; which we know is super legit since Jimmy Kimmel had them solemnly swear on a stack of US Weeklys that they were in this for real and not wasting all of our time (haha).


photo via People

We all know Kate Middleton and Prince William are a carved in stone kind of forever, but I’ll say this one more time, Hollywood, Leave Posh and Becks alone!! 



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