I’ve never truly understood “time flies so fast” until I had Jude. He is 5 weeks today and I can hardly fathom where the time is going. He is growing and thriving and discovering, and it is absolutely amazing.
Even though he is still only shy of 8 pounds, he has an unbelievable strength about him. I love watching his progress holding his head up and steady on his own, and feeling the grip of his little hand on mine. Another new favorite thing is watching his face as he is beginning to discover his hands. His little face maintains such a look of wonderment and it is pretty much the best.
I have found, over the past weeks, that I do have more patience than I thought. As a naturally anxious person I am prone to panic, but oddly enough I find that I am relatively calm in situations where Jude is not. Granted, it’s easier to deal with little man’s meltdown moments during the day…but, hey, who needs sleep?!! I can’t fault Jude, I would be pissed if gas pains were keeping me up at nights too. If it weren’t for such, he’d be a gold star snoozer. Gas drops and gripe water…the husband and I should look into buying stock with Little Remedies.
I love the changes I have seen in myself since becoming a mother. Sure, there’s a lot that still needs to be more “organized”, let’s say, but I have never felt more pride in something in my entire life. If I’ve done nothing else good and right in my life before (which I like to think I have), Jude is the ultimate good and right. I cannot say it enough, this tiny human I had the privilege to bring into this world is absolutely everything.
Although I let my moments of high reign supreme, the past weeks have had their moments of low. Last week I went into the emergency room with the strangest, most painful abdominal pain. I was told towards the end of my pregnancy that I had gallstones, so I suspected this was the cause of my pain. It was. Not only that, but because a stone made it’s way into my bile duct and consequently caused my pancreas to become inflamed. I was admitted into the hospital and the next day I had surgery to remove my gallbladder; which allowed the pancreas to return to normal on its own. I am glad it’s done with, but I cannot even begin to tell you the levels of emotions I was enduring during this time, on top of the pain. Fear for the surgery and the situation, panic because of the fear, worry about being away from my son (whom was safe with my mom)…these are only a few examples of what was coursing through me. Being away from Jude for those 2 days was the hardest; I was putting all thoughts of him before thoughts of me. Putting this little boy before myself is my life…again I say, I love, and appreciate, the changes I am seeing in myself as a mom.
Back to now: Jude and I spend our days quietly together. It’s not glamorous but it is fabulous. I am still able to work on some freelance art and design projects at home, but more importantly, I get to be present with my son. Although this mom job doesn’t pay in a monetary way, the benefits are great and I am quite smitten with my boss, Mister Jude. I look forward to building this amazing relationship with my son; I look forward to rediscovering things as he first discovers them. When considering my new position as his mom, well, everything else certainly comes second…or third, or fourth…or simply just becomes irrelevant.
In addition, I must also submit that baby smiles, whether intentional or not, are also the best. xo.