Answering White People Questions.


        Perusing through my newsfeed I could not help but notice a delightful little buzzfeed article, “40 Questions All White People Need to Answer”. I could not help but be amused by this list of questions about white people posed by an array of Twitter users. I thought it would perhaps be just as delightful to further entertain some of those questions via blog:

image Oh gluten. This has been quite a debatable topic betwixt social media users as of lately, so let’s discuss. You ask “WTF is gluten exactly…”. Well, to be exact, gluten is a protein composite found in wheat and similar grains. No one needs gluten in their diet (so says my nutritionist), and for me it usually means stomach cramps and vomiting when I eat a good amount. Therefore, I am gluten sensitive, while those who are gluten intolerant are typically sufferers of Celiac’s disease. It is more common in white people, yes, fact. That’s about as straight forward as any answer you read here will get.

imageOk my friend, we need to talk. Obviously you’ve never drank a beverage from said mason jar, let alone one that’s been chilling in the freezer. This is a much appreciated thing, especially on a hot cliche southern summer day. Mason jars are also ideal for salads, overnight oatmeal and other delicious snacks. I also keep hair pins in a mason jar at work. F yes I love a mason jar. I am not sorry.

imageCan I ask a question, why has no one thus far used correct punctuation?! I know you only get 140 characters to make a point, but I’m certain that none of these questions exceed the character limit, so a “?” would not have placed you with a negative word count. That being said…avacados are a delicious superfood. They are also super trendy right now (if you’re into that), like siracha and bacon.

imageCapitalization and punctuation aside, I’m assuming that “idgi” is to stand for “I don’t get it”. Well, I do get it…NO LIE, the PR and I were watching Full House on Nick at Nite. It’s nostalgia I suppose, with a sprinkling of Americana if you will. How can you not feel emotional when Michelle gives her pink pig stuffed animal to Uncle Jessie and he steps in the hall just as a single tear rolls down his cheek. Have you people no souls?!

image

Because shark week is freakin awesome! Don’t talk s*** about Shark Week. How can you go your whole summer without reruns of the last 8 years of shark footage. Have you never seen Sharknado?! (Then ate your feelings because you realized it was a waste of time, but you still watched the Sunday afternoon rerun anyway…it’s quite the vicious cycle). Yes, I do need to know what safety precautions to take when cage diving. Yes, I do need to know if there is any truth to these Megalodon sightings. And yes, I do need to know the migration patterns of the Great White; in fact there is an app for that, and why yes, of course I have it. It’s not summer until you scare yourself out of your above ground swimming pool at night for fear of a rogue shark attack.

imageI’m assuming we’re talking about the hot glue gun, and forgive me for asking but doesn’t your twitter profile pic depict a white lady?! Just curious. Obviously you’ve never tried to glue felt to a Popsicle stick, ribbon to hair clips or even googley eyes to, well, anything. If you take your crafting and/or pinterest project doing even the slightest bit seriously then chances are you are packing glue. You know the skill required to load a new glue stick with one hand, you know what it’s like to work with a too-short extension cord so you have to awkwardly balance your glue gun when setting it down, and you certainly know what it’s like to get caught up in the web of excess hot glue strands. That, my friends, is dedication to your work yo.

That concludes the entertainment portion of the evening, and if you have any answers to contribute feel free to do so in the comments. You can check out the original post on buzzfeed. Here’s to a happy impending Friday.

this post was obviously (hopefully) for entertainment purposes only. I laughed so I hope you at least breathed stronger out of your nose once or twice. In case there is that one person out there insistent on taking something out if context in anyway. We all need to love and support each other, xoxo.

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